Where, oh where?

+ listening to: "The Ghost of You" by Good Charlotte

I just tore up my room looking for a form that I need my supervisor at my internship to fill out for my grade. I could not find it anywhere. About a week ago, though, I'm positive that I saw it in my room, and I didn't have any reason to take it out. So, I'll have to get a new form from my instructor. In all likelihood, the old form will turn up after that.

I'm working on trying to design a hangtag for my senior portfolio. It's not coming as easily as I'd hoped.



I suppose it's good that it's coming along at all, considering my track record.

I just thought I'd share my little tale of woe, as the smallest violin in the world plays "My Heart Bleeds for You."

Shortly before the end

+ listening to: "Duck and Run" by 3 Doors Down

So, I've got a week left until the end of the semester. I've still so much work to do.

Today, I was the recipient of a writing award for a paper written for a group project that I did last Spring in my Writing for Mass Media Class. I got a nice little certificate and a $25 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble. After the awards ceremony, I immediate went to the store and purchased the book 1,000 Bags, Tags & Labels: Distinctive Designs for Every Industry, to help me with my designs. I still have yet to come up with a design for my type dominant poster. Argh. I think I'm just overthinking the whole thing, like I tend to do with my photography projects, which causes me to get started really late.

I was suddenly hit with the realization that I'll be a college graduate very soon. I'm like, oh my God. What am I to do after graduation? Granted, I'll still have one more photography class to take, but I'll be out in the real world. One thing my internship has taught me is that there are so many thing I don't know. Right now I'd say my most marketable skill is that I can use a Mac; that's just how inept I feel as a graphic designer. I know that I'm not a bad artist. I'm actually a rather decent artist. I just feel extremely intimidated and overwhelmed about presenting my work, and competing with other people who know a lot more than I do about design.

::While pausing to collect her thoughts, Sharon wonders who left a bag of Reese's Pieces on her desk::

I constantly console myself with the knowledge that, in the very least, I can draw.

Distracted by the world outside the window

I'm at the library right now.

I went to Senior Portfolio, signed the attendance sheet and left. I couldn't stay there. I didn't have anything to show my instructor, and it's really too late in the semester for me to be this behind.

After leaving class, I went to the photo lab to pick up my prints, and then sat outside at one of the picnic tables with one of my friends. I called one of my friends; they didn't answer. Then I called home to tell to let them know what time to pick me up and from where: the library.



So, I'm there now, on the fourth floor. The view is wonderful, and I find it strangely soothing. There's a water tower in the distance that marks where my home is. I guess I find the view so comforting because I can observe so many th ings thar are going down below. For examle, there's a guy at the trunk of his car. He's looking for something, collecting some papers, I think. Now he's closing his trunk. He's moved to the front of his car and is looking at something in there. He just picked something off the ground. He's being pretty meticulous about his vehicle, brushing it off. And now he's headed toward the entrance of the library, out of view.

I see black birds light from the upper branches of an oak tree. One of them comes to rest on the roof of the College of Medicine.

In front of my table, there is a tiny spider on a single thred that's gradually making it's way down to the floor (I assume that's where it's headed). I hate how they string little thread across things, trying to make web, and then one walks through it, and you have a weird feeling acrosss your skin, and all you can do is try to brush it from your skin frantically, because you can't see it.

I came to the library with the intent of doing to some research to inspire my designs that I have yet to do. Doesn't look like that's going to happen.

Oracle: Fine Arts Review

The Spring 2006 issue of the Oracle is out now. I was on the production staff, and have two pieces of artwork published in it, one drawing, and one photograph. It feels good to be published again. Last year I worked on the production staff editing the images of the featured artwork.

The cover was designed by Josh Holland, featuring the art of Laura Rasmussen, both of whom are pictured in my previous entry.



I think it's interesting that both of the images chosen to be published are of mouths. I submitted about six different images, but these two were the ones picked. I'm most pleased that Oral Fixation was chosen, because I drew it specifically to submit to the magazine. I'm really honored that my work is featured among such wonderful student artists. The quality of the work submitted (literary and fine art) just keeps improving every year, with the design being pushed a little more.

I'm really proud of Jason, the Art Editor, for getting everything together, as far as layout and putting in all work. Most of the people involved with the design of Oracle will be graduating this semester, but hopefully, there will be others to step up to keep the mag going in the right direction. It's a great vehicle showing all the talent located her in the Deep South.

Photo Dump II: Illuminations

Yeah, someone mentioned to me that my blog has been "dark and gloomy" as of late, and I must agree. I'm definitely in a better mental state at this point in time, though. I'm considerably less stressed about school, though there's still much work to be done before the end of the semester.

However, I've been remiss in posting these pics, and there's getting to be a serious backlog with my images. I guess I'll start with pictures from the "Illuminations" Photo Show, held at Satori Sound & Coffeehouse in Mobile, AL. It's the first photo exhibition that I've ever entered. Hopefully it won't be the last.


Ashelea performs for the crowd.


A view of the room


Look familiar?


Josh, Amanda, Kenny (Amanda's son), and Marissa.


Hannan. One of his entries won second place.


Laura (awesome painter), Brandan (awesome photographer), and Heather (awesome. . .smile?). I should have a "caption this" competition for this image.

There are so many things I could write about everyone in the photos, but I wanted to keep the captions as short as possible. I could probably do six degrees of separation with everyone, because everyone pictured is a student at South, and I've had classes with all of them.

I was telling my older sister about how I'd seen at least half the people in my current photography class in some form of nudity/undress. Experiences like that, I think, are unique to art school.

Why do I persist to procrastinate. . .

Man, if I'd been working all semester like I am right now, I'd have a lot less stress in my life.

My 4x5 project is due tomorrow in photography class. I still have to develop and print, but fortunately, I got everything shot. The only drawback is that I won't have time to reshoot anything, and I won't be able to get back to the photo lab until tonight, because I have to attend the Memorial Celebration.

Also, I have less than 2 weeks of school left, and I have beaucoup de graphic design projects that need to be completed for Senior Portfolio. I'm not the only one stressing, though. I'm in the company of art students and fellow procrastinators. It seems that I can only get motivated to get my projects done when the due date is imminently close.

Oh well. I'm gonna resolve to work my butt of til the end of the semester. I have to decide if I want to take any classes over the summer, because registration is this week. I really should get a job, since, save for one photography class left to take, I don't really have any more school to do.

I'm actually in class right now, wasting time, so my resolve doesn't seem too great at the moment.

Ok, I'll end this entry and bizounce to get ready for tonight.

Never again . . . til next time

Tonight I Can Write
by Pablo Neruda, translated by W.S. Merwin

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

•

I was feeling like this^.

Then I had a moment of clarity, and once again, it's sucked to be mature. Totally killed my angst streak. I'm still a little miffed, but not as much as before.

To be more specific, the poem refers to the feelings I have rather than being exactly accurate to the situation. The last two lines, in particular, ring quite true. Though, I don't think I have that strong of a resolve. Not yet, anyway.

Even So

You're gonna hate me when I tell you everything
You're gonna question whether you really know me at all
You will revisit every smile
And where it fit into the day
I know this is how it will play
—"Even So" by Rachael Yamagata

I miss my friend.

Sometimes I wish I could say exactly what I think and feel, without worrying about the consequences.

I can't.

•

I hear angst is supposed to fuel creativity and such. Notsomuch here.

On the other hand, though I don't feel like drawing, I do have some story idea inspired by a song by this band. It was eerily appropriate considering my musings over the past few days.

•

I meant for this entry to be a photo dump, but that'll have to wait til a little later. School is still driving me mad, I've got two photo projects due, one still seriously late. I've got lots to do for my Senior Portfolio. I need to get a type-dominant poster done and 3 more logos at least. I don't know how I manage to be so effing complacent about all of this. Habit I guess.

Hate every beautiful day

Everything's all clear
I wish it was raining
'Cause I hate every beautiful day
—"Hate Every Beautiful Day" by SUGARCULT

Well, today I didn't go to my internship in order to get my artist presentation paper done for photography class. So, I was really stressed, feeling bad psychologically.

Then, I start to feel bad physically, nauseous and such, and I lay down for a bit. My computer hangs up while I'm trying to write my paper, then I have to take my little sister her track shoes. But the time I get back, I have no time to finish my paper, and I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to sit through class. I finally take some medication (hard in itself, because I can't swallow pills), and I slowly start to feel better. Eventually I realize that it's not my day to present, which is a relief. However, I still need to go to the photo lab tonight to work, and I really don't feel like it, because now I'm stressed emotionally.

Yeah, this is not one of my better days.

If it were raining, then something would at least be going my way, matching my mood. But it's actually quite lovely outside. A great day to shoot photos and appreciate creation. Goodness, I'm an optimist even when I'm depressed, if that's even possible.

•

On a positive note, my slides came out awesome. I was excited about it yesterday, but lately I've been overwhelmed and overwhelming myself. I worry about too many things that I can't control, and I just have to learn not to take things so personal.

I've been in bed most of the day trying to sleep so I won't have to think of what lies ahead

Man, I feel so overwhelmed right now. I've got about a month to finish up all my projects for my porfolio review, I've a paper to write for Photography class, I've to finish a super-late project for photography class, and I've to keep up with my intersnhip blog.

I'm about to be in a financial quagmire, which isn't a good thing. Me and my younger sister are traveling to NYC at the end of May on a little vacation. It was her idea to go, and she wanted me to come along with her. We've already purchased our plane tickets, and I had been in pretty decent financial standing for the trip, only spending my money on things for class, and a few indulgences. The only big purchase was my digital camera. Anyway, my funds have dwindled quite a bit, recently. My only saving grace is that I have two commissions lined up that should supply me with the money needed for my trip.

Last semester when I was hard up for cash, I sold some books and CDs on amazon.com. That worked out pretty well, actually. I'm looking at some books right now that I could sell. I don't want to part with too many of my possessions, though. The reason I bought them in the first place was so that I could, you know, have them. However materialistic that may sound, that's how it is.

That said, the point is that I'd rather sell my art than sell my stuff. So, I'd gladly take commissions that can be completed in the next two months in order to fund my upcoming excursion.

But didn't you say you got a job, a frequent reader of my blog may ask.

The answer is yes, but right after I was hired, business got slow. Slow business equals there not being much opportunity for me to learn on the job. It also means that since I was hired to "help out" I'm pretty much useless if there aren't many customers. Maybe things will pick up in the future, and CiCi will call me back. I'm not begrudging the situation. It's just life.