Where, oh where?

+ listening to: "The Ghost of You" by Good Charlotte

I just tore up my room looking for a form that I need my supervisor at my internship to fill out for my grade. I could not find it anywhere. About a week ago, though, I'm positive that I saw it in my room, and I didn't have any reason to take it out. So, I'll have to get a new form from my instructor. In all likelihood, the old form will turn up after that.

I'm working on trying to design a hangtag for my senior portfolio. It's not coming as easily as I'd hoped.



I suppose it's good that it's coming along at all, considering my track record.

I just thought I'd share my little tale of woe, as the smallest violin in the world plays "My Heart Bleeds for You."

Shortly before the end

+ listening to: "Duck and Run" by 3 Doors Down

So, I've got a week left until the end of the semester. I've still so much work to do.

Today, I was the recipient of a writing award for a paper written for a group project that I did last Spring in my Writing for Mass Media Class. I got a nice little certificate and a $25 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble. After the awards ceremony, I immediate went to the store and purchased the book 1,000 Bags, Tags & Labels: Distinctive Designs for Every Industry, to help me with my designs. I still have yet to come up with a design for my type dominant poster. Argh. I think I'm just overthinking the whole thing, like I tend to do with my photography projects, which causes me to get started really late.

I was suddenly hit with the realization that I'll be a college graduate very soon. I'm like, oh my God. What am I to do after graduation? Granted, I'll still have one more photography class to take, but I'll be out in the real world. One thing my internship has taught me is that there are so many thing I don't know. Right now I'd say my most marketable skill is that I can use a Mac; that's just how inept I feel as a graphic designer. I know that I'm not a bad artist. I'm actually a rather decent artist. I just feel extremely intimidated and overwhelmed about presenting my work, and competing with other people who know a lot more than I do about design.

::While pausing to collect her thoughts, Sharon wonders who left a bag of Reese's Pieces on her desk::

I constantly console myself with the knowledge that, in the very least, I can draw.

Distracted by the world outside the window

I'm at the library right now.

I went to Senior Portfolio, signed the attendance sheet and left. I couldn't stay there. I didn't have anything to show my instructor, and it's really too late in the semester for me to be this behind.

After leaving class, I went to the photo lab to pick up my prints, and then sat outside at one of the picnic tables with one of my friends. I called one of my friends; they didn't answer. Then I called home to tell to let them know what time to pick me up and from where: the library.



So, I'm there now, on the fourth floor. The view is wonderful, and I find it strangely soothing. There's a water tower in the distance that marks where my home is. I guess I find the view so comforting because I can observe so many th ings thar are going down below. For examle, there's a guy at the trunk of his car. He's looking for something, collecting some papers, I think. Now he's closing his trunk. He's moved to the front of his car and is looking at something in there. He just picked something off the ground. He's being pretty meticulous about his vehicle, brushing it off. And now he's headed toward the entrance of the library, out of view.

I see black birds light from the upper branches of an oak tree. One of them comes to rest on the roof of the College of Medicine.

In front of my table, there is a tiny spider on a single thred that's gradually making it's way down to the floor (I assume that's where it's headed). I hate how they string little thread across things, trying to make web, and then one walks through it, and you have a weird feeling acrosss your skin, and all you can do is try to brush it from your skin frantically, because you can't see it.

I came to the library with the intent of doing to some research to inspire my designs that I have yet to do. Doesn't look like that's going to happen.

Oracle: Fine Arts Review

The Spring 2006 issue of the Oracle is out now. I was on the production staff, and have two pieces of artwork published in it, one drawing, and one photograph. It feels good to be published again. Last year I worked on the production staff editing the images of the featured artwork.

The cover was designed by Josh Holland, featuring the art of Laura Rasmussen, both of whom are pictured in my previous entry.



I think it's interesting that both of the images chosen to be published are of mouths. I submitted about six different images, but these two were the ones picked. I'm most pleased that Oral Fixation was chosen, because I drew it specifically to submit to the magazine. I'm really honored that my work is featured among such wonderful student artists. The quality of the work submitted (literary and fine art) just keeps improving every year, with the design being pushed a little more.

I'm really proud of Jason, the Art Editor, for getting everything together, as far as layout and putting in all work. Most of the people involved with the design of Oracle will be graduating this semester, but hopefully, there will be others to step up to keep the mag going in the right direction. It's a great vehicle showing all the talent located her in the Deep South.

Photo Dump II: Illuminations

Yeah, someone mentioned to me that my blog has been "dark and gloomy" as of late, and I must agree. I'm definitely in a better mental state at this point in time, though. I'm considerably less stressed about school, though there's still much work to be done before the end of the semester.

However, I've been remiss in posting these pics, and there's getting to be a serious backlog with my images. I guess I'll start with pictures from the "Illuminations" Photo Show, held at Satori Sound & Coffeehouse in Mobile, AL. It's the first photo exhibition that I've ever entered. Hopefully it won't be the last.


Ashelea performs for the crowd.


A view of the room


Look familiar?


Josh, Amanda, Kenny (Amanda's son), and Marissa.


Hannan. One of his entries won second place.


Laura (awesome painter), Brandan (awesome photographer), and Heather (awesome. . .smile?). I should have a "caption this" competition for this image.

There are so many things I could write about everyone in the photos, but I wanted to keep the captions as short as possible. I could probably do six degrees of separation with everyone, because everyone pictured is a student at South, and I've had classes with all of them.

I was telling my older sister about how I'd seen at least half the people in my current photography class in some form of nudity/undress. Experiences like that, I think, are unique to art school.

Why do I persist to procrastinate. . .

Man, if I'd been working all semester like I am right now, I'd have a lot less stress in my life.

My 4x5 project is due tomorrow in photography class. I still have to develop and print, but fortunately, I got everything shot. The only drawback is that I won't have time to reshoot anything, and I won't be able to get back to the photo lab until tonight, because I have to attend the Memorial Celebration.

Also, I have less than 2 weeks of school left, and I have beaucoup de graphic design projects that need to be completed for Senior Portfolio. I'm not the only one stressing, though. I'm in the company of art students and fellow procrastinators. It seems that I can only get motivated to get my projects done when the due date is imminently close.

Oh well. I'm gonna resolve to work my butt of til the end of the semester. I have to decide if I want to take any classes over the summer, because registration is this week. I really should get a job, since, save for one photography class left to take, I don't really have any more school to do.

I'm actually in class right now, wasting time, so my resolve doesn't seem too great at the moment.

Ok, I'll end this entry and bizounce to get ready for tonight.

Never again . . . til next time

Tonight I Can Write
by Pablo Neruda, translated by W.S. Merwin

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

•

I was feeling like this^.

Then I had a moment of clarity, and once again, it's sucked to be mature. Totally killed my angst streak. I'm still a little miffed, but not as much as before.

To be more specific, the poem refers to the feelings I have rather than being exactly accurate to the situation. The last two lines, in particular, ring quite true. Though, I don't think I have that strong of a resolve. Not yet, anyway.

Even So

You're gonna hate me when I tell you everything
You're gonna question whether you really know me at all
You will revisit every smile
And where it fit into the day
I know this is how it will play
—"Even So" by Rachael Yamagata

I miss my friend.

Sometimes I wish I could say exactly what I think and feel, without worrying about the consequences.

I can't.

•

I hear angst is supposed to fuel creativity and such. Notsomuch here.

On the other hand, though I don't feel like drawing, I do have some story idea inspired by a song by this band. It was eerily appropriate considering my musings over the past few days.

•

I meant for this entry to be a photo dump, but that'll have to wait til a little later. School is still driving me mad, I've got two photo projects due, one still seriously late. I've got lots to do for my Senior Portfolio. I need to get a type-dominant poster done and 3 more logos at least. I don't know how I manage to be so effing complacent about all of this. Habit I guess.

Hate every beautiful day

Everything's all clear
I wish it was raining
'Cause I hate every beautiful day
—"Hate Every Beautiful Day" by SUGARCULT

Well, today I didn't go to my internship in order to get my artist presentation paper done for photography class. So, I was really stressed, feeling bad psychologically.

Then, I start to feel bad physically, nauseous and such, and I lay down for a bit. My computer hangs up while I'm trying to write my paper, then I have to take my little sister her track shoes. But the time I get back, I have no time to finish my paper, and I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to sit through class. I finally take some medication (hard in itself, because I can't swallow pills), and I slowly start to feel better. Eventually I realize that it's not my day to present, which is a relief. However, I still need to go to the photo lab tonight to work, and I really don't feel like it, because now I'm stressed emotionally.

Yeah, this is not one of my better days.

If it were raining, then something would at least be going my way, matching my mood. But it's actually quite lovely outside. A great day to shoot photos and appreciate creation. Goodness, I'm an optimist even when I'm depressed, if that's even possible.

•

On a positive note, my slides came out awesome. I was excited about it yesterday, but lately I've been overwhelmed and overwhelming myself. I worry about too many things that I can't control, and I just have to learn not to take things so personal.

I've been in bed most of the day trying to sleep so I won't have to think of what lies ahead

Man, I feel so overwhelmed right now. I've got about a month to finish up all my projects for my porfolio review, I've a paper to write for Photography class, I've to finish a super-late project for photography class, and I've to keep up with my intersnhip blog.

I'm about to be in a financial quagmire, which isn't a good thing. Me and my younger sister are traveling to NYC at the end of May on a little vacation. It was her idea to go, and she wanted me to come along with her. We've already purchased our plane tickets, and I had been in pretty decent financial standing for the trip, only spending my money on things for class, and a few indulgences. The only big purchase was my digital camera. Anyway, my funds have dwindled quite a bit, recently. My only saving grace is that I have two commissions lined up that should supply me with the money needed for my trip.

Last semester when I was hard up for cash, I sold some books and CDs on amazon.com. That worked out pretty well, actually. I'm looking at some books right now that I could sell. I don't want to part with too many of my possessions, though. The reason I bought them in the first place was so that I could, you know, have them. However materialistic that may sound, that's how it is.

That said, the point is that I'd rather sell my art than sell my stuff. So, I'd gladly take commissions that can be completed in the next two months in order to fund my upcoming excursion.

But didn't you say you got a job, a frequent reader of my blog may ask.

The answer is yes, but right after I was hired, business got slow. Slow business equals there not being much opportunity for me to learn on the job. It also means that since I was hired to "help out" I'm pretty much useless if there aren't many customers. Maybe things will pick up in the future, and CiCi will call me back. I'm not begrudging the situation. It's just life.

Ode to. . .

No thanks, no more, no love
I'm done, I've had enough. . .
—lyrics from a Rachael Yamagata song

.

This is one of my favourite poems. I couldn't remember who wrote it, just one line resonated in my mind: "the dog of my heart."

Love Without Love
by: Luis Llorens Torres

I love you, because in my thousand and one nights of dreams,
I never once dreamed of you.
I looked down paths that traveled from afar,
but it was never you I expected.
Suddenly I've felt you flying through my soul
in quick, lofty flight,
and how beautiful you seem way up there, far
from my always idiot heart.
Love me that way, flying o'er everything.
And, like the bird on its branches, land in my arms
only to rest,
then fly off again.
Be not like the romantic ones who, in love, set me on fire.
When you climb up my mansion,
enter so lightly, that as you enter
the dog of my heart will not bark.

I often thing of song lyrics in relations to the situations in my life. Unfortunately, most of the songs I love are super sad and/or sappy love songs/ballads.

.

I should be in class right now. It started at 3:30. I guess I should go, just to sign the roll, at least.

.

The opening reception for the photography show is tonight. I got compliments on my work from three people, including my teacher. That's cool. I'm not expecting to win anything, but if I do, it's a plus. Some nice prizes are up for grabs, and I could really use a new camera bag.

.

Yeah, so I'm totally wasting time right now. I should go to class.

.

I must make a valient effort not to fail photography this semester.

Michael

After almost letting it slip my mind, I remembered to go to the photo lab today to print the image I wanted to submit to the show that will be hosted by USA's Photography Association this Friday. I got the image printed, spot toned, and framed in a timely manner. I went to Wal-Mart to look for a 16"x20" frame, and I bought 2 for a little under $10 a piece. Not bad at all. I was expecting them to be way more expensive.

After I picked up the frames, I went to get a bag of dog food for the animals. I selected the usual 50lb bag, but when after I picked it up, I had trouble lifting it into the basket. There was a woman in the aisle, and upon seeing my struggle, she asked her son to help me by either holding the basket. The boy couldln't have been more than eight or nine years old, and he was about 4'9 tall, so I felt awkward for a moment having him lift the bag for me. Actually, he couldn't get the bag all the way up, either, so I helped him lift while holding the basket while his mom helped me move the picture frames out of the way.

The boy asked me what kind of dog I had, and I told him that I had lots (six, to be exact, plus 5 puppies). He said that he had just gotten a dog.

I'll always remember this little boy, and how kind he was for helping me with the dog food bag. I'm glad his mother is instilling in him such manners. Hopefully he'll grow up with such ideals intact. God, he was so adorable too, with shot cropped brown hair, rosy cheeks, and little freckles across his nose. Michael is his name.

My encounter with these two people was a nice contrast to this gay guy at the photo lab who tried to jank my hair. All I can do is roll my eyes at the thought. The experience is so ludicrous that I don't feel like recounting the details. All I know is that he like to resort to using expletives to express himself in an attempt to come off clever, but in reality it only makes him looked unlearned for not knowing how to express himself in a more enlightened manner.

But whatever. As long as there are sweet boys like Michael being brought up, there's hope.

Perceptions

While out with a friend last weekend, he told me of a art show featuring the work of a aquaintance of his. He told me that the work was mostly photomanipulations done in phototshop, and that he didn't think it was that good. Later this week in photography class, someone else mentioned the show, and someone who had seen it said that the work looked very professional, and they were obviously impressed with it's quality.

Now, I haven't seen the work, but I have met the artist. He's a fellow art student. I'm eager to see the work now, though because of the two conflicting opinions of the work. I wonder if my views of the work would be more in line with my friend, or my classmate.

---

I didn't know what to expect when I friend sent me this link on my facebook page. I cannot believe they actually aired this on the news. . .

Leprechaun in the Ghetto


All I can do is shake my head.

with maturity comes responsibility

Last night, I had one of the most elaborate and telling and involved dreams that I've ever had, at least in a very long time. I think it's been years since I've had a dream that was so layered and textured. The imagery was beautiful, quite memorable, extremely fantastic. . .and I"m trying to burn it onto my memory, because the storyline was absurd, but also very interesting. I'm pretty sure I can use many elements from the dream from a future storyline.

The events of a dream also acted as a mirror in which to see myself and my current desires. I got something I'd been longing for a long time, but after I received it, I realized the price is too high. I would lose a friend and gain nothing of permanence.

All I have are the memories now. They could be all I need to get over what I've been feeling for so long. It would be great if that turns out to be so. Only I can make it so.

---

I'm thinking of submitting this image to a photography show at Satori Sound and Coffeehouse:



The theme is "Illuminations", and I think this image fits the bill. I'll have to have it printed and framed by next Tuesday, though. The entry fee is $10 and you can submit up to two pieces. I can probably only afford to get one thing framed, though. I had no idea frames were so expensive until I started thinking about submitting things to art shows.

I got a job!

I can barely believe it myself, but here's how it went down.

For the past few months I've been frequenting this new Chinese Restaurant near my home. My sister had been getting Bible based literature in the Chinese language, so one Sunday, she asked me to offer some to CiCi, who works at the restaurant. CiCi was very intrigued that we had literature in Mandarin, since neither of us speak Chinese. So, we chat for a bit, and she takes down our phone numbers.

Later, Cici asked me if I would be willing to take her to the mall one day. Mind you, this is, like, a week after I've presented the literature to her. So, I schedule to take her to the mall that weekend. While we're on our outing, CiCi proceeds to relate to me how she could tell that me and my sister were different from a lot of American girls, i.e, more conservative, to put it mildly. I was thinking that she had to be either really naive or an excellent judge of character to ask me to take her somewhere without knowing much about me.

A little while later, Cici, asks me if I could return an item of clothing to the store for her, and I agree. Again, she's placing her trust in me to return an item worth almost $40 and bring her back the refund. It was no big deal because I wasn't thinking of stealing her money or anything, but many people would. . .

So, time passes, and I continue to frequent the restaurant because their food is good, and CiCi is really nice. She has the most infectious smile and interacts well with her customers. Whenever I'm there, CiCi takes time to sit and chat with me. She really wants to practice and improve her English, and I'm all for that.

Today, she called my cell for the first time, and asked if I could come by the restaurant because she wanted to talk to me about something. I had no idea what she could want, but she had never called me before, so I figured it was pretty important; I just hoped that it wasn't anything bad.

I realize that I've given away the end of this little anecdote from the title, and it's that I got a job. Yay. My duties involve taking orders and working the register, and cleaning the tables, making sure that the condiment tray is full. And I'm making a decent amount above minimum wage as well.

I must say, I never thought my first real job would be working at a Chinese food restaurant, but wonders never cease.

ergo

I've been working on getting my new web site design up since last night. I'm having a few kinks with getting my blog to repost, since I changed some file folders. Argh. Hopefully I can fix it after this post. I can't exactly say that Spring Break has flown by, because a lot of things did happen, and I did get things done. Hopefully, I can stay on this productive streak.

Unfortunately, I didn't get any school-related work done. I totally should have chosen painting as a minor rather than photography, but it's kind of too late to change it now. Oh well.

a friend in deed

Well, today was an emotional whirlwind.

God, I don't feel like recounting every detail. Once again, I didn't go on the photo hunt, as planned. Let's sum up things from there.

• I didn't get to sleep in because a certain sibling needed me to accompany her out in early morning field service.

• After getting home, I only had an hour to prepare for my outing, so I couldn't really catch up on the lost sleep.

• Someone didn't show up, causing me much worry and frustration, resulting in memories of past scenarios of abandonment.

• I gave a gift, and was reminded of what a great friend I am.

• I signed a cast.

Though the day was somewhat redeemed, I'm still feeling quite blah. I don't know why. I need an escape. Sleep seems like the ticket, but whenever I lay down I'm overwhelmed by my own racing thoughts.

Comfort food might do the trick though. . .I just want to replace whatever it is I'm feeling right now.

Well, these pictures make smile.

You have got to be kidding me

So I'm not going be able to go on the photo hunt today. However, it's for a reason completely different than I anticipated. The weather is fine. Unfortunately, one of the parties involved in the proposed trip decided to take impulsive and ill thought out actions that resulted in a trip to the emergency room in the wee hours of the morning. I was informed of the situation via a call at 6:41 this morning.

Upon hearing this, I could only sigh and shake my head, once I got over the initial shock, of course.

When I got off the phone, I was overcome by a feeling of utter anger and frustration. Then, after trying to rationalized why I felt that way, because I didn't think I should having that level of intense feelings over the situations, I had an epiphany, and then the anger subsided.

At first I actually lay in the bed trying to think of how I could relay my emotions in my blog, but only a string of expletives came to mind. Consequently, I decided to find a more "enlightened" way to articulate my feelings. So, now I'm itching to share my thoughts with the aforementioned friend, but he's currently unavailable as a side effect of the massive dose of pain medication he was given at the ER.

I did, however, get drawing done like I said I would. I'm happy about that. I actuall managed to get a comic page mostly done. I still have some things to tweak, but it's progress, which is what I was aiming for in the first place. Wanna see?

maybe a snag

I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. I'm supposed to go photo hunting outdoors, and a thunderstorm doesn't make for ideal shooting conditions. However, it's only a 30% chance of rain, with scattered showers predicted for tomorrow. Considering Mobile weather, it may not rain at all. It was quite forboding today actually, but the clouds cleared up by the afternoon. I'm not too hopeful for tomorrow, though.

I think link pages are awesome. If it wasn't for them, I never would have discovered the "secret" blog of a friend of mine. Muahaha. I put the link to it on my sidebar, but I'm not saying which one it is.

I seem to be surrounded by people trying to make their own distinct mark in the art world. Which reminds me, I probably should be drawing right now. . .

Lates.

Spring Break Plans

+ listening to: "Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge
+ reading: The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown; The Portrait of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

So this week is Spring Break and I have no real exciting plans. Well, at least, I didn't until today. I talked to my friend Kevin and he proposed that we go on a photo hunt in this park in front of a hospital in town. It's called University of South Alabama Women & Children's Center, where woman birth babies, so in the park features statues of kids playing and such. It should be fun.

+ listening to: "Wishing Heart" by Lisa Loeb

Also, Thursday I have plans to accompany my sister to Pensacola to see a mutual friend compete in a dance competition.

However, back to the thing with Kevin. . . I'm really looking forward to it. I was surprised that he asked me to come along. Well, actually I'm not really surprised that he asked me, since I am a photography minor, so, it would be naturally to assume that I'd be interested in going. I had been considering going to that very place and taking pictures, but I felt awkward at the prospect of going alone because I had never been there before. So now, I have someone to go with, to share the experience, so I'm expecting it to be lots of fun. I guess I was surprised the Kevin asked me to do something like that. Though, that shouldn't surprise me either, since he is into film (he's production manager at the campus TV station), and that's a form of photography.

Okay, so I've just established that I have no real basis to be surprised the he asked me. I guess it was just unexpected. But I'm happy he did, because, of the, you know, anticipated fun and such.

I'm so lame.

Anyway. I need to make this Spring Break as productive as possible. I have lots of work that I need to catch up on, schoolwise. I've got 2 photography assignments to get done, one of them late—as usual. I'm still going in for my internship on Tuesday to make up a day I missed the week before last. I also talked to my boss, Paula, about coming in more than one day so that I could learn more things and not miss so much between days.

I'm also scheduled to finally get my hair done on Tuesday after I leave my internship. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to that. I need to remember to talk about getting some highlights in my hair, because, though I like the cut, I want something to spice it up. I had to hold off on getting them til my hair was healthy enough. Now it pretty much is. My sisters keep telling me how blah my hair is for someone who's supposed to be an artist, so I hope to remedy that soon.

Lastly, I hope to get some artwork done. I have more than enough time to generate a comic or two. I could get some character drawings done in the least. And I really need to work on a commission from my Uncle. I could finish it this week, or at least get halfway done.

It looks like I have a lot to do after all. Not much of a break now, is it? ;)