Strange & Beautiful

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

All these years and we hardly ever touched. Now, for me, our relationship is an exercise in patience.






I wish you knew.

+ recent iTunes dloads:
· "Helena" and "I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance
· "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional

Yeah. I'm really feeling the emo/ansty music at the moment. The lyrics are always amazingly introspective, and I love that.

So, I went to photo class today and it was worth it. After a few people presented their artist response papers, we watched a video on Richard Avedon. I'd never heard of him before today, even though he's a very influential photographer. I was very inspired by his portrait photography. I'd like to try some shoots that emulate his style, just for experimentation.

I went to the hair stylist today and got a new cut. I like it lots. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up. Next I want to get some highlights. I haven't dyed my hair in over a year because it's been damaged (mainly because I did it myself), but now that I've been going to my stylist regularly I think I'll try it again. My sister told me that I'm not a real artist because I don't have a cool hair style. I don't know about hair styles being a definitive measure of artistic devotion, but I agree that I needed a change. I truly wish that I could dye my hair extreme colors, but I refrain because would like to maintain a modicum of modesty with my appearance due to Christian values. Still there's always room for individuality, which I mostly express through my shirts with pithy sayings and little accents in the form of Strawberry Shortcake buttons.

^_^

+ listening to: "Everything" by Alanis Morissette

Well, I don't really feel any better than I did last night.

Today I'm going to the hair stylist and I'm planning on a drastic style change. I've been entertaining the idea of getting my hair cut short for years. Now it looks like I'm finally gonna do it. My sisters don't believe I have the guts, so I guess that gives me more impetus to go ahead with it. I'd really like to get some highlights as well, but I don't think I can afford it right now, and my hair is recovering from previous damage.

Anyway, I think a change will do me good.

I'm seriously considering not going to photo class today. We have a paper due, which I have barely started, and I don't know if it's my day to go.


:sigh: It's now 9:11. I guess I'll get ready to go to class. I've just considered some things I need to take care of.

feelin' that feeling

Let me tell you something
Tell you how I feel
When he comes around
I get to feelin ill
It's a achy feelin inside my chest
It's like I'm going into cardiac arrest

Adrenaline rushing in my body
All my power I just can't fight it
No matter how I keep on tryin'
I can't deny I got this...heartburn
Burnin in my soul
Call the fire department
It's out of control

—from "Heartburn" by Alicia Keys

+ listening to: "what if" by coldplay

Looking through alumni of my high school on the thefacebook.com I began to think back to the kind of people I went to high school with. A lot of people have joined fraternities and sororities (I try not to hold it against them).

Then my thoughts traveled to senior honors day. It was a program held near the end of the year in which scholarships were announced and awards were given out for the people with the highest averages in academic subjects and electives. There was one girl who received an award from her church. The presenter of the award told of what a nice and respectable young woman she was, and how honored she was of to be giving her the award?or something to that effect. The girl was overcome with emotion and teared up. I'm pretty sure she didn't know she was getting the award, so it made for a nice little moment.

The entire time, this is playing out, I'm thinking of what type of person she was in class. She was in my government and economics class, and we weren't friends, and I don't think we ever had an actual conversation. I do distinctly recall herbehaviorr in class. She wasn't disruptive or anything, but she did use pretty foul language quite often. I know for a fact that I almost definitely would not have remembered that about her had it not been for her getting the award for her commitment to her church.

Though I was 18 at the time (God, almost 5 years ago), I guess I was pretty naive. I knew that people acted differently with their peers than they did with their parents and other authority figures. That wasn't new to me. I was aware of the hypocrisy of it all, and was, and still am, turned off by it. I'll even admit that I don't act exactly the same around my parents as I do when they're not around. I just recall being so absolutely astounded that this girl was receiving an award, and she had the audacity to be touched by it, like she deserved it. I mean, sure, she probably was really devoted at church and was not a bad person. But that little incident in class just stuck out in my mind. If she was like that at school?so casually using very vulgar language?then how was she when she was elsewhere.

I'm not sure if I have a point, and I may come out sounding like a big hypocrite. I'm just expressing my feeling at that point in time. It was definitely a wake-up call to the ways of the world. I see it more today, and it still gets on my nerves. It's not the fact that the person is doing non-Christian things. It's the fact that they proclaim to be a Christian, but it only last for an hour a week. No, even that doesn't isn't it. It's the fact that they get praised for their few good efforts, when that's not really, truly, the type of person they are, "having some for of godly devotion but proving false to its power."

Stop Thinking About Her

Gone, she's gone
How do you feel about it
That's what I thought
You're real torn up about it
And I wish you the best
But I could do without it
And I will, because you've worn me down
Oh, I will, because you've worn me down

Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
But you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her

And you're wrong, you're wrong
I'm not overreacting
Something is off
Why don't we ever believe ourselves
And I, oh, I feel that word for you
And I will, because you've worn me down
Oh, I will because you have worn me down

Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
But you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her

She's so pretty; she's so damn right
But I'm so tired of thinking
About her tonight

Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
But you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her

Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told to me to do
But you, you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her

—"Worn Me Down" by Rachael Yamagata

Carpe Diem

+ listening to: "tongue-tied" by Aqualung

Yesterday my friend Kevin treated me to my first outing to a little coffe house called Carpe Diem.







finis.

+ listening to: "crawling in the dark" by hoobastank

"In the homes of the black and white Americans of the same cultural and economic level one finds similar furniture, literature, and conversation. How, then, can the black American be expected to produce art and literature dissimilar to that of the white American?

Consider Coleridge-Taylor, Edward Wilmot Blyden, and Claude McKay, the Englishmen; Pushkin, the Russian; Bridgewater, the Pole; Antar, the Arabian; Latino, the Spaniard; Dumas, pere and fils, the Frenchmen; and Paul Laurence Dunbar, Charles W. Chestnut, and James Weldon Johnson, the Americans. All Negroes; yet their work shows the impress of nationality rather than race. They all reveal the psychology and culture of their environment?their color is incidental. Why should Negro artists of America vary from the national artistic norm when Negro artists in other countries have not done so?"

–from ?The Negro Art Hokum?, 1926 article by George Schuyler

More than once people have asked me why I don't draw more "black" people (males in particular). It's not an common question, but it has come up. So, while I may not agree with the article as a whole, I sympathize with the general idea. My art reflects my surroundings and my upbringing.

I could go way more in depth with my views and feelings about race and stereotypes. . .but I'm not. I'll just point out that I like to draw characters that are racially ambiguous. Of course, all of them have specific ethnicities and cultural backgrounds that I have in mind for them, but unless they're colored, I think, the viewer isn't really sure. Also, I don't draw a lot of males in general, because I'm not that good at it. I'm working on it, though. So, my lack of African-American male figures has nothing to do with my dislike of that particular group. On the contrary, it's because I don't want to do them injustice that I don't attempt to draw them much, if that makes any sense. Since I can't quite execute artistically the idealized version of said male, I stay on the safe side and draw other things (people) that I'm more confident in portraying–like pretty young women. ^_^

+ listening to: "not for all the love in the world" by The Thrills
+ mood: completely disoriented

I was awakened this morning by the wringing of my cell phone. It was on the other side of the room by my computer. I jumped out of the bed to answer it as I realized that I may have overslept for class. As I went for the phone. I looked at my alarm clock: 8:49.

Shoot.

I hastily answered, and after having a brief chat with my younger sister about her anxieties about turning in her argumentative essay on blood transfusion alternatives, I rushed to get ready.

Fully dressed, I went back to look at the clock. 9:02 a.m. My class doesn't start until 10:10. I don't know what was going on with my mind. It is now 9:11, so I've got about an hour to kill before class. I could be productive and work on sketches for my children's book, or layout for my web site design project. . . in so doing, actually being productive, for once.

Well, the first thing I'll do is go find some grub, because I'm always starving after my studio classesÃ?–they last two and a half to almost three hours, and we can't eat in the computer lab. I'll see what happens after that, and return this afternoon with a progress report.

+ listening to: "warning sign" by Coldplay

I just got back from the Photo Lab, working on my late self portrait assignment and my 3200 homework assignment that's due Thursday. I got to the lab at 6:45 p.m. . . .


Yeah. . . 6 hours of standing and I'm still not done. I did, however, get the 3200 print done.






.:sigh:.

What the. . .*what*?!?

This is a quote taken from a song lyrics site. The person was commenting about the song "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West.

"i luv it. its so kool. its the best thing to do with jesus. Jesus is so hot, almost as hot as the song. this is a great song and he explains jesus in an awesum way"

It's a bit unsettling—to say the least—to find someone thinks our Savior almost as hot as a song by Kanye West, or, what's more, that the person could think to put Jesus and Kanye in the same "hotness" category for said comparison.

+ listening to: "Amsterdam" by Coldplay

I am the worst photography student ever.










But I'm aware.
I'm working on it.

+ listening to: "Predictable" by Good Charlotte
+ reading: The final chapters of I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb

I just got back from my morning class, Senior Graphic Design. I had a corporate identity project do, and we had a critique. I'd say my project was pretty successful. The class liked it, anyway. There are a lot of other things that I wanted to do, and I got some good feedback as to what I could change to make it better. Some other people had some really nice designs as well. There's one girl in my class who does these really awesome designs. In all her projects she displays a really good, innate sense of unity and creates these nice patterns with shapes. She's also an awesome illustrator. She always has problems when it comes to craftmanship, but I envy her design capabilities.

+ listening to: "The First Taste" by Fiona Apple

However, I think it's good to have someone in the class who you feel that way about. It pushes me to be more creative with my designs. Not to necessarily be better than that person, but just to come out of your shell more. Interestingly, she really likes the designs that I do.

+ listening to: "Older Chests" by Damien Rice

But it's been a good morning. This afternoon I go to Web Design class with Kyeong. Today we're going to start learning flash. I always end up dozing off during lectures because all the lights are off . . .But that was before I had the text book. If I can follow along I should be ok.

Now I shall devour the bacon, cheddar and mushroom melt that my wonderful sister brought me from Wendy's.

+ listening to: The Ghost of You by Good Charlotte
+ reading: On Photography by Susan Santog
+ watching: The Goonies

I just bought an iTrip for my iPod mini. It lets you play your iPod through the car stereo of FM radio. It's cool, cuz it's a cheap way to remedy not having a CD player in any of the vehicles at my house.

We finally got high speed internet access at my house. I'm so relieved. It was really trying having to go up to the computer lab just to use the internet, especially since I like to go to side that are graphic intense. So now procrastination has become a lot more convenient for me. That's not too good. . .

+ listening to: Get Lifted by John Legend

We had a critique in photography today. I wasn't prepared. Since I went out of town this weekend to the Sidewalk Moving Picture Festival this past weekend, I wasn't able to go the lab and get anything done. Realistically, since I knew I was going to the festival back in August, I should have just gotten my stuff done early. I could have gotten my stuff done. But I'm me, so it didn't happen. Now I've got to slave this weekend, but it's my responsibility. Hopefully I can at least get to the movies to see Into the Blue.

Mactopia

+ listening: my dad playing Generals: Command & Conquer
+ watching: Napoleon Dynamite
+ reading: Dreamweaver MX 2004 H.O.T (hands-on training) by R. Yeung

Yesterday evening I received my new Mac in mail. Now when I go to class I'll join the other "islanders" as my friend Kevin refers to the people who dock at the table in the center of the computer lab, away from the other computers lining the wall. The most that I've used it so far is to play and download music, so my dad commented that all he bought me was a very expensive MP3 player. But hey, what else am I supposed to do w/ this thing?

I bought the student version of Dreamweaver MX 2004 for my web design class. The bookstore was out of Adobe CS2, so I have to wait til another order comes in sometime next week. Honestly, when I first got my computer, I didn't really know what to do with it. I mean, it has so much capability, and I'm amazed to actually have something like it. I feel really humbled and fortunate to be able to get one at this point in time.

Enough mushiness. . .

This new computer ROX! : D

+ listening to: "God Put A Smile on Your Face" by coldplay
+ mood: Just got lifted by John Legend
+ reading: I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb

I haven't drawn anything not school-related in the longest time. So I was at movie gallery chatting it up with my favourite Customer Service Associate, Shawn. Currently Movie Gallery is having this promotional thing where customers write their #1 reason to rent, and they post it on the wall. I had done one already, but Shawn asked me to draw a picture, since I had mentioned before that I was an art student. This is what I came up with:

Cause & Effect

Well, hurricane Katrina did a terrible number on the Gulf Coast, where I happen to live. I'm located in Mobile, AL. We sustained some damage, a lot of downed trees and power outages (and we no longer have a fence around our backyard), but nothing compared to Louisiana and Mississippi.

An unexpected result of Katrina's strike is that it's allowed me to get that Mac I've been talking about. A 15" Powerbook G4, to be exact. See, my dad owns a lawn maintenance and tree removal company. So when storms come through, or threaten, he naturally gets more business.

After being out of college for a week, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. I'm already going to be late turning in my first photography assignment. I've got a logo design due Monday that I haven't even started the computer work on, and I've got a project proposal due for my web site design class that I still need to reference (of the three things it's the nearest to being complete). I've also got three movie rentals that are overdue. So much for getting on the ball this semester.

There's even a career expo at school this Tuesday that I should be preparing to attend, since I plan on graduating in the Spring, but I totally don't feel like it. The professional world seems so overwhelming, but alas, I must join it eventually.

Into the Swing

I just finished the fist week of what will hopefully be my last year of school. It's all gone by so quickly. I can't put it off any longer. I have to seriously consider what I'm going to do after graduation. I also have to concentrate on doing really well in all of my classes, photography especially. Last spring I bombed that class so badly, barely passsing. I'm going to improve my technical skills so can make better images.

I'm also taking Web Design this semester. I'm hoping to translate the things I learn in that class to this site. We've only got one project the whole semester, which is to design a website with a specific theme. . . .I'll see how it goes.

I'm in Senior Graphic Design, and that class is so jam-packed. I registered for it late. So the second day of class I came, and I was late, so I didn't even have a chair to sit in as there are only 18 computer stations. I'm trying to get my dad to get my a mac laptop, so I will be easier for me to work. I've got a PC at home, and though I have the graphic software I sometimes run into problems when I try to transfer the files I worked on at home to the school computer. That's what I'm really looking forward to getting.

Yeah. . . That's what's going on right now. I've got so much work to do this weekend.

Extenstions

Ok, so we ended up not evacuating for Hurricane Dennis. The storm decided to take a dramatic turn once again and hit Pesacola, FL instead. However, about half the population of Mobile County (200,000) people, did evacuate, and were very quick to turn around and come back once they found that the threat of Dennis wasn't nearly as severe as expected. From my perspective it was just like a thunderstorm. A lot of other area did get seriously damaged, though, so I know that we're just lucky. Mobile will get a serious hurricane one of these days.

But the point is that we didn't have class the Monday following the Hurricane. The lab wasn't open over the weekend, and I didn't even attempt to do the project as home seeing as I was anticipating having to leave, and then not being without power, neither of which turned out to be the case. So, when I got back to class on Tuesday, Kyeong informed us that the due date for the museum calendar had been moved to Friday. Yay.

::entry cont'd 07.27.05

So I ended up making an A on my calendar, to my total suprise. I expected a B at most since my design wasn't that groundbreaking. But the layout was simple and consistent, so I guess that's what counted.

I have such a backlog of work that I need to post on my site. This is the last week of school, so I'm stressing about my final project once again. It's due Thursday and I'm so behind on my development. I'll have to work nonstop to get it done, printed and assembled on time.

I've also got a buch of photos to add. I went to a formal this past weekend, so I got all dressed up like it was the prom or something. I even danced quite a bit, which is rare for me, but I'm gradually starting to come out of my shell and be less self-conscious about trivial things.

Storm Watch

My instructor never ceases to amuse me. See, in my Graphic Design II class, we have a project that's due on Monday. Well, is so happens that during that time we're probably going to be in the middle of Hurricane Dennis. So, my instructor is like, "Well, I know the project is due Monday, but watch the weather reports and such, and if class is cancelled, then obviously, that due date is cancelled, and the project is due Tuesday."

Then, later he announces that the computer lab will be closed this weekend so that he can prepare for the storm by unplugging all the computer and covering them with plastic. Ok, school was cancelled for Tropical Storm Cindy. I doubt it will be open Monday. But who knows? Maybe Dennis will suddenly die down or drastically change course. That would be good, except that I'm drastically behind on my project development and coulc use the extra time. But power will most likely be out anyway, so I don't know how that would work out. . .

Yeah, so the governor has ordered a mandatory evacuation for my county, starting at 6 a.m. Saturday, so it looks like I'll be getting a little extended vacation. Hurricane Dennis is headed our way, and after Ivan, people aren't taking any chances. My dad was planning on us staying here, which I was cool with, but we've got to "be in subjection to the higher authorities" and all that, so I guess we'll go.

However, one thing I thought was weird was how people like to run north. . .to cities that are right down the line in the path of the storm. To me, it makes more sense to go west, like to Texas, but I understand that everyone can't afford to travel that far on such short notice. Still, you wouldn't see me in Birmingham or Atlanta, where the hurricane spins off tornados that are way more unpredictable.

With Hurricane Dennis approaching, this weekend should be very interesting.